Jimmy Kimmel found himself back in Trumpworld’s crosshairs Monday after Melania Trump called on ABC to “take a stand” against the late-night host, accusing him of using “hateful and violent rhetoric” toward the Trump family in a faux White House Correspondents’ Dinner roast staged by Kimmel last week.
In the eight-minute segment, which aired on last Thursday’s Jimmy Kimmel Live!—days before a would-be assassin disrupted the actual WHCD—Kimmel repeatedly joked about Donald Trump, the first lady, and Trump family members including Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump.
Here’s a look at what Kimmel said about the president, the first lady, and their family during the set:
On Donald Trump
“I haven’t seen this much black since every page of the Trump Epstein files.”
“And I’m happy you decided to stay, Mr. President. And don’t worry, if we bruise your ego, it’ll only make your hands look less disgusting.”
“The president didn’t want me to tell any jokes about him tonight, but he also didn’t want to pay me $130,000 to shut up. So here we are.”
“Do we have a doctor in the house? I mean, do we have a Jesus in the house? I always confuse them too. I get why you think you’re Jesus. This guy, every time he walks into a room, people say, ‘Christ, he’s back.’”
“Who did your makeup? Kraft Singles.”
“As the president will tell you repeatedly until you beg him to stop, President Trump has accomplished so much during his second term. He passed new incentives for oil and gas. He put the brakes on solar and wind. That will be your legacy, sir—breaking wind and passing gas.”
“Look how far you’ve come. Thirty years ago, you were just some rich guy on Jeffrey Epstein’s private jet out of Teterboro. But you worked hard. You stayed friends. You shared some wonderful secrets. And because of that, you were able to fly on that plane seven more times. Dreams really do come true.”
“You truly are the GOAT—and a monkey and a pig.”
On Melania Trump
“And of course, our first lady, Melania, is here. Look at—so beautiful. Mrs. Trump, you have a glow like an expectant widow.”
“Melania’s birthday is on Sunday. She’s planning to celebrate at home the same way she always does—looking out a window and whispering, ‘What have I done?’”
“Melania is a movie star now. Her documentary had a score of 10% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is a website named after her husband’s testicles.”
“I want to congratulate you… on your huge accomplishment: the world’s first motionless picture.”
“Before we go any further—Melania, this is Donald. Donald, this is Melania. That was my impression of Jeffrey Epstein.”
On Donald Trump Jr.
“Don Jr. and his fiancée just had their bridal shower at Mar-a-Lago, and the rumor is that their wedding might happen at the White House. Wouldn’t that be amazing? We could see a Donald Trump get married and a Donald Trump get divorced in the same building.”
“The wedding will be just like Don Jr.’s veneers—big and white.”
On Eric Trump
“Speaking of psychopath sons, how about a round of applause for Eric and Don Jr. who are here tonight.”
“If there’s time, maybe I can introduce you to your father later on.”
“When Eric was born, he was so ugly his father asked Pam Bondi to redact his name from the birth certificate.”
“Eric, I’m so sorry you were able to make it tonight, but you look great. You look like an elbow with a face on it.”
Whether ABC responds to Melania Trump’s latest criticism remains to be seen. But with the first lady now publicly weighing in, Kimmel’s monologue has taken on a larger afterlife than it did when it first aired last week.
Watch his monologue in full below:
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People were willing to give his latest imported softcore ‘model’/wife some slack: who hasn’t made terrible character judgements?
Well… up to the point she wore the “I don’t care do you?” jacket. Then it became obvious that she is every bit as horrible as her mate.
To step into the spotlight by giving the finger to traumatized endangered little children earns her every scrap (and more) of the contempt she is whining about now. Everyone knows the kind of “agency” Epstein was running when she got her ‘special talents’ visa through him. You can bet she’s been tipped off that she is in those files as well. Only half have been released.
The whole family has put themselves on the political stage and mocking is part of that landscape as far back into Western history as you want to go.
Kimmel’s jokes were utterly hilarious and pretty clean considering the material he has to work with.
The next time we get a legitimate government, we are going to have to destroy the gargantuan monopolies that are weaponizing public media for nefarious purposes, like belligerent revenge by pissy toddler types.
Deport Melanomia! It’s happening to other spouses of American citizens. Dunold would love it! She’s waaaay to old for him.
I love your show! Keep up the great work!
Apparently, “they” can’t deal with the truth!