With Elon Musk leaving his station in the White House late last week, late-night hosts—most of whom were on break last week—attempted to get in their last licks Monday, only to discover that someone else beat them to it.
Not that Musk’s black eye stopped them. Here’s how late-night covered Musk’s DC departure Monday night.
Elon Musk last week announced that he is leaving the Trump Administration. “Wow, he usually doesn’t announce when he’s leaving,” said his kids.
Seth Meyers
He’s leaving his job to make more family with his time.
Jon Stewart
President Trump on Friday hosted a farewell ceremony in the Oval Office for Elon Musk, and presented him with a golden key to the White House. A golden key? I swear, everything Trump learned about being a rich guy, he learned from Saturday morning cartoons. I’m surprised he doesn’t show up to work in a top hat and a monocle.
Seth Meyers
Apparently, in his book First Son-In-Law, Jared Kushner said Trump personally designed these keys, which explains why they say “Key to the White House” on them. Master of subtle elegance.
Jimmy Kimmel
Classic Trump. Musk endangers his businesses, exposes his personal life, and becomes one of the most disliked public figures in America, and in return Trump gives him a crappy prop from an escape room. “It only works on one door, and that’s the door that lets you the f*ck out of here.”
Seth meyers
But the weirdest part about this weird meeting was Elon’s face. Because for some reason, he had a black eye. Oh, no! If only someone in the White House had access to makeup!
Stephen Colbert
Trump was like, “If you need some cover up, I have tons of it. Orange number 36, I have autumnal squash, I have a baby pumpkin…
Jimmy Fallon
It’s wild that this guy arrived in Washington to cheers from conservatives and now he’s leaving with plummeting sales and a black eye. Although based on how he waved a chainsaw around like a night club lumberjack, I guess he should just be happy he still has all his limbs?
Seth Meyers
Stephen Miller freaked out when he heard Elon Musk was in the Oval Office with a black eye. He thought they said “Black guy.” It was quite a relief when he saw his face.
Jimmy Kimmel
So why the black eye? Who hates Elon Musk enough to punch him in the face? I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but could it be… Everyone?
Stephen Colbert
Honestly, it’s jarring to see Elon’s face with any color.
Jimmy Fallon
Musk claims he got the black eye because he told his son to punch him in the face, and then his son did. I’m sorry, why is this guy considered a genius? I mean, my boys love me, but all they’re ever waiting for in regards to punching me in the face is an invitation.
Seth Meyers
Look, I believe things sometimes do happen when you’re roughhousing with your kid, but I’m also sure the one sentence no parent has ever uttered to their child is, “Go ahead, punch me in the face.”
Jon Stewart
Completely normal thing every normal parent says to their child. Because we know, you gotta run bedtime like a prison yard. “Okay, buddy, you know the drill: Put on your pjs, brush your teeth, and walk up to the biggest daddy in this room and punch him right in the face.”
Stephen Colbert
How embarrassing is the truth if that’s your cover story? “Um, um, a 5-year-old punched me and… okay, fine, it was a baby. A baby punched me… back. A baby punched me back.”
Seth Meyers
Elon claims the bruise was a result of his kid punching him while they were horsing around. One of his kids punched him, which narrows it down to about 100 suspects.
Jimmy Fallon
Trump was effusive in his praise for Musk. He thanked him for working “Tirelessly.” Well, yeah, of course he was working tirelessly. He was gobbling down 20 different kinds of uppers every day.
Jimmy Kimmel
Elon might seem a little eccentric because he is absolutely zooted to the gills on vitamin freak
Stephen Colbert
Over the weekend, The New York Times published a crazy story about Elon Musk, claiming among other things, he was taking ecstasy, psychedelic mushrooms, pills believed to be adderall, and so much ketamine he told people it was affecting his bladder control. Which is a delightful detail. Between him and Trump, that Oval Office has got to smell like an abandoned nursing home.
Jimmy Kimmel
I do love the detail that he is the one who told people he had bladder problems. That means things were so bad, he had to be like, “Oh, don’t worry, it’s nothing weird, it’s an overabundance of ketamine.”
Jon Stewart
