Zohran Mamdani’s upset victory over Andrew Cuomo in the NYC mayoral primary has political insiders stunned—and late-night hosts delighted. Plus: Trump wants the Nobel Prize, and it’s (still) hot. Here’s our Wednesday night monologue roundup.
Mamdani Rising
If he goes on to win November’s general election, Zohran Mamdani will be, as Stephen Colbert pointed out, the city’s first South Asian mayor, first Muslim mayor, and the youngest mayor in over a century.
“Mamdani is 33 years old. After he won, he was like, ‘My seven roommates are never gonna believe this!'”
Jimmy Fallon
“33 years old. That’s a good age, ’cause he knows the meaning of both the spending cap and ‘no cap’.”
Jimmy Fallon
“Cuomo raised over $36 million, while Mamdani relied on volunteers and a relentlessly positive campaign based on issues that affect everyday New Yorkers like freezing the rent, no cost childcare, and free buses… I, for one, cannot wait to get my free bus.”
Stephen Colbert
“During his concession speech, Cuomo said that mamdani put together a great campaign and added, ‘he touched young people and inspired them and got them to come out and vote.’ Cuomo’s mistake was waiting until after he was elected to touch young people.”
Seth Meyers
That can’t be easy for Cuomo to admit. ‘Cause touching young people? Kind of his brand. Allegedly.
Stephen Colbert
“On the bright side for Cuomo, at least he doesn’t have to move to New York City.”
Seth Meyers
“Mamdani generated excitement among minority groups and electrified younger voters. While older voters still run on diesel.”
Stephen Colbert
Nobel Pursuit
Donald Trump really wants a Nobel Prize. He’s brought it up repeatedly—and so have his cabinet members, Fox News hosts, and Republican lawmakers. Georgia Rep. Buddy Carter even told Newsmax it would be “a travesty” if Trump didn’t win. Cue Seth Meyers, who has some thoughts.
“Yeah, it would really be a travesty if Donald Trump, pictured here holding up a giant menu of weapons he was selling to the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, didn’t win a Nobel peace prize. Classic peace prize stuff here.”
Seth Meyers
“There’s no one who deserves a peace prize more than Trump? Gandhi never won a Nobel Peace Prize. Doesn’t matter what the award is. They could be up against each other for a Tony, and I would still say Gandhi should definitely win.”
Seth Meyers
“If you ask me, no president should get a Nobel peace prize. I don’t think Obama should have gotten one either, especially at the beginning of his term. I mean, that’s just kind of jinxing it. You don’t give out the world series trophy in the first month of the season, otherwise The Mets would be ten-time defending champs.”
Seth Meyers
[On Trump telling reporters he should have won the Nobel Prize “four or five times”] “You can’t win the Nobel peace prize four or five times… [Trump] thinks it’s the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest. ‘A lot of people have been saying I’m like Joey Chestnut but for peace. He eats 50 hot dogs and I cut 50 peace deals and I also eat 50 hot dogs.’”
Seth Meyers
Sizzle Reel
Three days into a brutal East Coast heatwave, Jimmy Fallon kept an age-old late night tradition alive—leaning into a full round of “How hot was it?” jokes.
“How hot was it? Today in Central Park, any man who tried riding the metal horses on the carousel can no longer have children.”
Jimmy Fallon
“It was so hot today OnlyFans is only selling fans.”
Jimmy Fallon
“How hot was it? On my way into work, I saw a squirrel icing his nuts.”
Jimmy Fallon
“It was so hot I spent the day sweating like a ‘Love Island’ contestant trying to read a book without pictures.”
Jimmy Fallon
“It was so hot, I was sweating worse than Andrew Cuomo’s campaign manager.”
Jimmy Fallon
“It’s been three days of relentless heat. Now I know what it feels like to be a 7-Eleven hotdog.”
Jimmy Fallon
Potpourri
“According to the State Department, the number of U.S. citizens moving to Mexico is up by 70%. And it’s not just Mexico: People are also going to Spain, Italy, France, the Netherlands. Your main export is now yourselves.”
Diego Luna, Guest Hosting for Jimmy Kimmel
“A leaked Pentagon report suggests that Saturday’s air strikes against Iran set the country’s nuclear program back by only several months, which doesn’t seem that long until you remember that Trump has only been president for several months.”
Seth Meyers
“Superman [David Corenswet] and Lex Luthor [Nicholas Hoult] are here. We also wanted to book Krypto the Super Dog, but sadly, he’s playing beer pong with Jimmy Fallon.”
Diego Luna, Guest Hosting for Jimmy Kimmel
“It’s New York Pride Week… The time of year when we celebrate the LGBTQ community and also when my kids tell me to please stop saying ‘Slay the house down boots. Yaaas, mama.'”
Stephen Colbert
“Skimpy men’s swimsuits are making a comeback. Yeah, men’s Speedos are super popular now — well, as long as the pool is heated.”
Jimmy Fallon
“McDonald’s and Krispy Kreme announced yesterday they will end their partnership. And I’m not surprised. I’ll bet both of those companies have ended thousands of partnerships.”
Seth Meyers
“A video has gained attention online that shows a woman complaining that she was reprimanded at Disney World for wearing leggings and a sports bar to the theme park, which is pretty ridiculous considering the employees are walking around without pants.”
Seth Meyers
“The New York Times published a report this week about a facility that Amazon is building in Indiana to develop an artificial intelligence system that matches the human brain. So, yeah, it’ll still say ‘Irregardless.'”
Seth Meyers
Caption This
“Former New York Governor and guy at the diner who hasn’t blinked in an hour, Andrew Cuomo”—Stephen Colbert
Thursday Night on Late Night
Jeremy Allen White visits Fallon, Seth Meyers welcomes Mariska Hargitay, and Diego Luna hosts Emma Stone, Heidi Klum, and Dolores Huerta on Jimmy Kimmel Live!
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