“It’s our feeling that everyone who owns a pet has, at one time, tried to teach the animal to do something peculiar,” David Letterman told his audience on February 4, 1982, just three days after Late Night with David Letterman debuted on NBC.
He went on to explain that his staff had placed ads in newspapers around the New York metropolitan area. The goal: “To try and get folks who have taught their pets to do something peculiar or stupid.”
“Of course, we do not believe the pets are stupid,” Letterman made clear. “But sometimes, the little tricks they have been taught to do seem to be that way.”
And then came the magic words: “So now we’d like to present to you our first installment of Stupid Pet Tricks.”
A couple of people in the live studio audience began to applaud.
“Oh no,” Letterman replied, holding up his hand. “Not yet.”
But the audience members were right to applaud, for they had just witnessed the birth of one of the most celebrated bits in the history of late-night television, one that would follow Letterman throughout his time at NBC and then later to Late Show with David Letterman on CBS.
“Stupid Pet Tricks” was the brainchild of Merrill Markoe, who was then Letterman’s head writer. As Jason Zinoman chronicles in his 2017 biography, Letterman: The Last Giant of Late Night, the bit originated from Markoe’s college days, when she and some friends dressed up a Doberman pinscher in socks. And it was Markoe who rejected the suggestion from network executives that the show use professionally trained animals: pets would make it funny.
While the bit had, in fact, originated on Letterman’s short-lived morning program, The David Letterman Show, it became a sensation in late night. “What made this conceit work was that it bridged traditional entertainment with Letterman’s caustic sense of humor,” Zinoman wrote. “It was the grand crowd-pleasing tradition of animal acts but from a new perspective, starting with its name: blunt, snarky, and impertinent.”
Like Johnny Carson, Letterman also worked with professionals like zookeeper Jack Hanna. In his last appearance with Letterman, just nine days before the program ended in 2015, Don Rickles, then 89, with Howard Stern seated to his right, hilariously ribbed Letterman for being lesser than Carson when it came to working with animals. “It’s the animals, I’ve got nothing to do with it!” Letterman exclaimed. “No need to get pissed off, we’re just talking,” Rickles replied. “Here we are, two Jews looking for friends, and you turn on us!”
Rickles was not the only one to have fun with Letterman’s handling of animals on the show.
It was forty years ago this week, on the March 21, 1985 episode of Late Night, that Letterman, as he was wont to do, read a letter from a fan. The viewer wrote:
Dear Dave,
Whenever you do a segment of Stupid Pet Tricks you always pet the dog and go on to ask it how it’s doing. Dave, do you honestly believe the beast is going to answer you?
Letterman begins responding to the man, only to be interrupted by a pair of dogs who come dashing out on to the set. One takes center stage. His name is “Joe the Dog,” and he’s voiced by Late Night writer Jeff Martin.
After a bit of chaos, Letterman gets Joe to sit in the grey armchair next to the host’s desk. The bit is a tightwire act: Letterman interacts with dog, whose movements Martin must, in turn, react to. Letterman, for example, asks Joe if he would like a sip of water, holding up his mug to the dog’s mouth. As Joe hesitates, Martin-as-Joe responds. “Ummmm,” he says, drawing out his response. When it becomes clear the dog is uninterested in the water, Martin says “No.” The audience, and Letterman, burst into laughter.
Joe yawns. So too does Martin. Eventually, Joe runs off. “Joe, get back up here!” “No,” Joe replies. “You don’t need me, Dave.” But Joe soon makes his way back to the chair, sitting semi-patiently as Letterman moves on to the next letter. “You won’t even know I’m here,” Martin-as-Joe tells Letterman.
It’s the perfect self-working bit. Dave reads a letter from a fan commenting on his tendency to poke fun at leaders of the Soviet Union, in this case the then-recently deceased General Secretary Konstantin Chernenko. Cut to Joe sitting patiently on the chair as Letterman responds. Just man and dog talking geopolitics.
“That’s a good one,” Martin says once Dave finishes his gag response. “The guy who wrote that one deserves a raise.”
“You’re pushing your luck, Joe,” Letterman responds, before patting the dog.
Later in the broadcast, Joe is joined at Letterman’s side by Jay Leno. It was as Letterman’s guest on Late Night where Leno first became a regular presence on the network. Later, most everyone, including Leno, would credit his appearances on Letterman with landing him The Tonight Show.
Leno walks out on set and immediately shakes Joe’s hand. As always, Leno comes out ready with a prepared bit, in this case reading sections from TV Guide. “Thank God the Writers Stike is over,” Leno says. “Can you imagine what The A-Team would be like without writers, huh?! Just a bunch of car crashes and senseless violence–terrible!”
He steals focus from Joe, who, as the program cuts to commercial, we see lounging comfortably by Leno’s side. Once they return, though, Leno finds a way to include the dog.
“They have these products like Gaines-Burgers,” Leno says. “This is a dog food shaped like a burger.” Letterman already starts to laugh. “Is this supposed to save the dog the trouble of actually having to form the patty himself?” Letterman keeps laughing. And Joe gets a pat-on-the-head from Leno.
For the moment, all is right in the late-night world.
Watch video of Joe the Dog’s 1985 visit to Late Night with David Letterman at the top of this post.
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