As promised two weeks ago on HBO’s Real Time, Bill Maher had more to say in response to President Donald Trump‘s Valentine’s Day, Truth Social tirade against his onetime White House dinner guest.
Turns out, Maher had nearly 10 minutes’ worth of things to say, as Real Time returned from a one-week break this Friday.
At the top of the show, it appeared that Maher might let Trump off easy, only making quick mention of the president during his opening monologue.
“Today, March 6th, 8:50 a.m., he tweets about the war. An hour later, eight posts about me!” marveled Maher, cuing up a graphic of the many “Trump vs. Maher” headlines the president re-shared, including LateNighter’s.
“The people at Mediaite wrote a headline, ‘This Is Why Trump Is Raging at Bill Maher in the Middle of a War,'” Maher also noted, before inquiring himself: “Why? Tell me!
“This is getting weird,” he added. “I’m just telling you, thank God I didn’t spend the night” at the White House following his and Trump’s infamous April 2025 dinner.
— LateNighter (@latenightercom) March 7, 2026
Maher, though, was far from done. At episode’s end, to close out his “New Rules” segment, he went all in on his rebuttal to Trump’s February 14 posting.
In short, he corrected errors in Trump’s version of their White House dinner; laid out how he has at times praised the president’s decisions; and was frank about the things Trump does that earn him ongoing scrutiny.
Much more specifically, Maher’s nine-minute response included the following (full video is below):
- “Someone has to help Donald Trump understand that I don’t suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome; he suffers from Bill Maher Derangement Syndrome!”
- “To set the record straight, I didn’t ask for the [White House] dinner; our mutual friend asked me. It’s on tape! From my podcast!… Also, I wasn’t ‘nervous’ and ‘scared,’ and dinner wasn’t quick. I was there almost three hours…. It wasn’t vodka, it was a margarita…. I was having a good time, and so were you, Don. We were talking like human beings, not like the crazy act you put on in public. But that’s what you do…. You texted me after the dinner complaining I was still part of ‘the lunatic left,’ how you should’ve won Nobel Prize for ending wars and I texted back, ‘I should’ve won 20 Emmys.’ We argued for a while and you ended by saying, ‘Bill, don’t change. I wouldn’t know what to do with you if you did.’ That’s the normal human being I saw the night we broke bread, and as long as there’s a spark of the possibility to bring that guy out more, I will not consider that dinner a waste of time.”
- “[L]et’s go through the things you are butthurt about people having not noticed, because some people do have TDS. I’ve called people out who make hating you their entire reason to live. ‘Get a life,’ ‘Stop making him your whole personality.’ But Don, you have to take some responsibility for that because… you do things that are racist, misogynistic, antidemocratic, and corrupt.”
- “Access to the president of the United States? You can’t put a price on that. Although, Don, you frankly put a price on that all the time. I consider myself lucky I got in to talk to you without giving you a 747, or buying your cryptocurrency. Or giving you my Nobel Prize.”
- Maher detailed many of Trump’s perceived accomplishments that have been recognized on Real Time, by naming a topic and following it with a clip from his show. “Taking out Iran’s nuclear capability…. Venezuela… The return of the hostages and the peace deal in the [Middle] East… The ‘Golden Dome missile shield…. NATO not paying their fair share…. Moving Israel’s embassy to Jerusalem…. The economy….” And even the new East Wing ballroom. “Do I give a sh*t he’s doing this to the White House?” asked Maher. “I really don’t.”
- After laying those cards on the table, Maher noted, “That’s the difference between you and me, Don. I can admit when I’m wrong, and I can be honest. I’m the last person from ‘the lunatic left’ that is still an honest broker when it comes to you. But honesty goes both ways. It’s a shame you cannot take criticism because in alternative universe, I could say things to you that might be quite helpful, like—I’m going to level with you, give it to you straight—some people do not like you.”
- Akin to George W. Bush’s message to his successor on Barack Obama’s Inauguration Day, “We want you to succeed. I always want the American president to succeed,” Maher maintained, “and I do give credit when you have. But there is lots of stuff you do that’s not my idea of success, and I have every right to say so in a democracy. ICE? I’m glad you got rid of stone cold criminals, but nobody wanted the sadism and stupidity that went along with it. DOGE? A complete disaster. Coal is not beautiful or clean. Criminalizing dissent is wrong, and so is the juvenile trolling [with AI-generated memes], and suing people into silence. Taking the side of autocrats instead of democratic allies around the world? Who hates Canada! You hate the wind? And you wonder why I can’t tell what is a joke and what isn’t.”
- “It’s not ‘derangement ‘for me to always be calling out the election-denying obsession you have, or the “pardons for my friends and punishment for my enemies” mode of governing, or that side deals for your family that always seem to be a part of everything. We see how rich you’ve all become, but the people of West Virginia do not seem to be feeling the winning.”
- On that last topic, Maher dealt one final blow: “A Democratic senator [Jon Ossoff] recently said of your administration, ‘They are the elites they pretend to hate’. Free advice? If the Democrats ever learn to learn to weaponize that message, your MAGA movement is in big trouble.”
Can we all go back and be nicer for a change? pic.twitter.com/b5gLLW4OER
— Bill Maher (@billmaher) March 7, 2026
soft
You went to bend the knee for Drumpf, and called yourself a hero for that! If anything, you’re a loser for thinking you can criticize Drumpf after you went to have dinner with him, last year! You are every bit the narcissistic hypocrite Drumpf is!