With NBC and CBS preempting their usual programming for live election results Tuesday night, Jimmy Kimmel had traditional late night all to himself on midterm Election Night just as Democrats retook control of both the Senate and the House.
Jimmy Kimmel Live! had actually taped roughly two hours earlier, but even then the writing was on the wall. “I am feeling pretty good,” he told the audience at the top of the show before launching into a monologue that found Donald Trump absorbing most of the punchlines.
By the time Kimmel got to the House results, he was ready to call it: “The blue wave made landfall, and now the Red Wedding begins.”
Here are 10 of his best lines from the night:
- “After all of the talk about Nicki Minaj’s ass, John Husted’s ass, the only ass on Trump’s mind tonight is the one that got handed to him.”
- “Democrats took so many seats, JD Vance can’t even find one to have sex with them tonight.”
- “Trump spent the day at the White House watching Fox News trying to give himself an insurrection.”
- “Word from the White House is that he already ran out of dipping sauce containers to throw at the television set.”
- On Trump suggesting he could move to Israel and become prime minister: “That might be the best idea he’s ever had. I would gladly pay for an El Al flight. “Make Israel Great Again.” You could sell a whole new line of hats. Think about it!”
- “Trump’s approval rating here is terrible. Just like every woman he ever slept with, voters are unsatisfied with the job he is doing.”
- “James Talarico could be the first Democrat elected in Texas since 1988. He is up by a million with half of the votes counted. That’s the good news. The bad news is Talarico might have to carpool with Ted Cruz in January.”
- “Would I hate to be the DoorDash driver who delivers Trump his Papa John’s tonight.”
- “We have a long way to go before we have all of the results. Poor Steve Kornacki will be pacing around with the sleeves rolled up like a CarMax finance manager all night tonight.”
- “As of tonight Donald Trump is officially a lame duck and an orange chicken at the same time.”
Kimmel saved a special sendoff for outgoing House Speaker Mike Johnson.
After declaring that Democrats had taken the House and that Hakeem Jeffries would succeed Johnson as speaker, Kimmel said he wished Johnson had to vacate the chair immediately: “I would like to see Mike Johnson ride away on his Big Wheel tonight.”
He then introduced a farewell reel collecting some of Johnson’s more memorable moments—verbal stumbles, awkward Trump praise, professions of ignorance, and testy exchanges with reporters.
“No Republican has puckered up to the president more uncomfortably than Mike Johnson,” Kimmel said. “I speak for all of us to say he will be missed.”
Watch Kimmel’s complete Election Night monologue, complete with a special visit from Natalie Harp—aka Kimmel’s wife, JKL executive producer and co-head writer Molly McNearney—at the top of this post.
