“Good morning, everybody. I’m Seth Meyers—or as the FCC calls me, ‘Next.'”
That’s how the host of NBCUniversal’s Late Night with Seth Meyers opened his seven-minute stand-up set at NBCUniversal’s upfront presentation to ad buyers Monday morning, alluding to the agency putting its thumb on the scale this past year to rid the late-night landscape of two of Donald Trump’s other late-night critics, Jimmy Kimmel and Stephen Colbert.
Meyers’ other targets also included CBS, Netflix’s hasty cancellations, NBCU’s big-bucks deal with Yellowstone auteur Taylor Sheridan, and his envy of SNL UK‘s potty mouth.
“NBC was the No. 1 broadcast television network for the 2025-2026 season,” Meyers reported at the top of his set. “After over a decade, we have taken down CBS. Well, the Ellisons did, but I’d like to think we helped.”
“Seriously, what’s going on over there [at CBS/Paramount Skydance]?” he asked. “They’re so in the pocket for Trump that I heard next year’s Survivor is in the Strait of Hormuz.”
On that same front, he later said, “CBS did not hold an upfront presentation this year because at CBS ‘up front’ just describes how they paid Trump to drop the lawsuit.”
Recounting NBC’s fine showing this past TV season, Meyers said, “NBC had it all—the Olympics, the Super Bowl…. The more you think about it, the more it breaks your heart that we’re up here selling next year.”
Other light jabs at NBCU included a nod to the newly spun-off entity that now is home to E!, Syfy, USA Network, and a few other cable properties. “If you’re from out of town and you get hassled by someone for money on the subway, don’t panic,” Meyers told the crowd gathered at Radio City Music Hall. “That’s just the Versant afterparty.”
Also: “It’s an exciting time for Peacock,” he said of NBCU’s streaming service. “Season 8 of Love Island USA is set to premiere in June, so please, please get the HPV vaccine.”
“Love Island, the show President Trump calls, ‘I never went there,'” he quipped.
Meyers briefly pivoted to fire some shots at rival media entities. For one, “Netflix is hosting its upfronts at a pier on the Hudson River, because once a Netflix show hits two seasons, that’s where they dump its body,” he said.
Meyers then noted, “Paramount Skydance has announced that it plans to merge its Paramount+ streaming service with HBO Max, so now you’ll get all your favorites in one place. Plus Paramount+.”
Speaking again of Paramount Skydance, and how the conglomerate beat out Netflix to buy Warner Bros., Meyers said, “Comcast actually made a bid, too, but no one thought we were actually gonna get it. It was kind of like that one friend who always pretends to reach for his wallet after the check comes. ‘Comcast, you can get it next time, bud.’ ‘Thanks, I’m a little light after buying the NBA.'”
In addition to splurging on pro basketball, NBCU also put a reported $1 billion in the pocket of Yellowstone creator Taylor Sheridan, “which means I’m finally gonna get a call from my dad asking, ‘What channel is NBC on?'” said Meyers.
“I love Taylor Sheridan,” he continued, “but I can never figure out if he’s ‘the white Tyler Perry’ or ‘the straight Ryan Murphy.’ Or is it ‘Dick Wolf with a cowboy hat’?”
“I’m just hoping Taylor Sheridan and Dick Wolf collaborate on the first cattle ranching show set in Chicago,” he added. “‘Are you sad The Bear is ending? Then get excited for Chicago Beef!'”
Other choice jokes from Meyers’ set:
- Regarding Law & Order: SVU‘s Season 28 renewal, “I don’t want to spoil any guest stars, but let’s just say Prince Andrew applied for his SAG card.”
- To further boost Sunday Night Football‘s record average audience of 23.5 million viewers, “Mike Tirico and Cris Collinsworth will start a Heated Rivalry-style affair,” Meyers said. “It’s going to be really steamy, and Cris is going to call all the games in a Russian accent.”
- “It’s a little strange that Telemundo advertises Love Island as Los Diablos del Herpes.”
- This year—to be commemorated with a live special airing December 10—”NBC is turning 100 years old,” Meyers noted, “which means right now, it’s watching CBS.”
- And regarding Saturday Night Live UK, which streams on Peacock and was just renewed for a second season, Meyers said, “I’m just jealous that they can actually swear on their version, because I always wanted my sign-off to be, ‘For Weekend Update, I’m Seth f*cking Meyers, assholes.'”
NBC’s upfront presentation was held Monday morning at Radio City Music Hall. Disney-ABC is set to hold its own event tomorrow. Jimmy Kimmel has traditionally performed a similar, roast-style set at ABC’s upfront—and is expected to continue that tradition Tuesday afternoon.
As we’ve reported, with Kimmel in town, he, Meyers, Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, and John Oliver are all set to stage a Strike Force Five reunion on tonight’s episode of Late Show with Stephen Colbert.
