Rob Reiner spoke candidly about his son Nick Reiner’s struggles with addiction in a 2015 appearance on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert—a conversation that has taken on new painful new resonance after Los Angeles police arrested the 32-year old for his alleged involvement in the deaths of his parents.
Reiner and his wife, Michele Singer Reiner, were found dead Sunday at their Brentwood home in what authorities are described as a double homicide. Police confirmed Monday that their adult son is the primary suspect. The investigation remains ongoing.
Reiner’s Late Show appearance came as he was promoting Being Charlie, a semi-autobiographical film he directed and co-wrote with his son. Reiner described the project as “the most personal film of anything I’ve done,” explaining that it was loosely based on Nick’s experiences with substance abuse as a teenager.
“He had some struggles from the time he was 15 to 19 with substances,” Reiner told Colbert, recalling multiple stints in rehab and calling it “a very tough time” for the family. Working together on the film, he said, was emotionally difficult—but ultimately meaningful.
“It was the most creative, most fulfilling experience I’ve ever had,” Reiner said, adding that the process forced both father and son to better understand what the other had been through.
During the interview, Reiner explained that he came to see addiction not as the core problem, but as a symptom of deeper distress. “My instinct was to really try to understand exactly what was causing his problems,” he said. “It’s not the taking of the drugs or the alcohol—it’s underneath that. You have emotional difficulties.”
“Taking drugs is like self-medicating,” Reiner continued. “You’re trying to feel better, make yourself feel better. So you have to try to understand what it is that’s causing the discomfort and the pain.”
Later in the conversation, Reiner reflected on the fear of parenting a child in crisis. “Your first charge as a parent is to keep your child safe,” he said, noting that he often relied on experts rather than trusting his own instincts.
At the time, Reiner told Colbert that his son had been sober for three years and was doing well, drawing applause from the studio audience.
Watch video of their full exchange at the top of this post.
How truly horrible it was for Reiner and his wife to die like that! By the hand of their own son! Addiction is a horrible beast!
Decades ago, I, while sympathetic, typically looked down on those who had ‘allowed’ themselves to become addicted to hard drugs or alcohol. Although I’ve not been personally or familially affected by the opioid overdose crisis, I suffer enough unrelenting PTSD symptoms (etcetera) to know, enjoy and appreciate the great release by consuming alcohol or THC.
Most of us, unfortunately, feel compelled to self-medicate in some form or another (besides caffeine), albeit it’s more or less ‘under control’. And there are various forms of self-medicating, from the relatively mild to the dangerously extreme, that include non-intoxicant-consumption addictions: e.g. chronic shopping/shoplifting, gambling, internet/smartphone overuse, over-eating, etcetera.
If such self-medicating forms are anything like drug intoxication or substance addiction, it should follow that: the greater the induced euphoria or escape one attains from it, the more one wants to repeat the experience; and the more intolerable one finds their non-self-medicating reality, the more pleasurable that escape will likely be perceived. In other words: the greater one’s mental pain or trauma while not self-medicating, the greater the need for escape from one’s reality — all the more addictive the euphoric escape-form will likely be.
The vast majority of obese people who considerably over-eat likely do so to mask mental pain or even PTSD symptoms. I utilized that method myself during much of my pre-teen years, and even later in life after ceasing my (ab)use of cannabis or alcohol. I don’t take it lightly, but it’s possible that someday I could instead return to over-eating.
The greater the induced euphoria or escape one attains from it, the more one wants to repeat the experience; and the more intolerable one finds their non-self-medicating reality, the more pleasurable that escape will likely be perceived. In other words: the greater one’s mental pain or trauma while not self-medicating, the greater the need for escape from one’s reality — all the more addictive the euphoric escape-form will likely be.
Frequently societally overlooked or ignored is that intense addiction usually does not originate from a bout of boredom, where a person occasionally consumed recreationally but became heavily hooked on a self-medicating substance that eventually destroyed their life and even those of loved-ones.
Especially when the substance abuse is due to past formidable mental trauma, the lasting solitarily-suffered turmoil can readily make each day an ordeal unless the traumatized mind is medicated. And, too often the worth(lessness) of the substance abuser is measured basically by their ‘productivity’ or lack thereof. Aware of this, they may then begin perceiving themselves as worthless and accordingly live and self-medicate their daily lives more haphazardly.
Decades ago, I, while sympathetic, would look down on those who had ‘allowed’ themselves to become addicted to hard drugs or alcohol. Although I’ve not been personally or familially affected by the opioid overdose crisis, I suffer enough unrelenting PTSD symptoms (etcetera) to know, enjoy and appreciate the great release by consuming alcohol or THC.
In the book (WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience and Healing) he co-authored with Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Bruce D. Perry (M.D., Ph.D.) writes in regards to self-medicating trauma, substance abuse and addiction:
“For people who are pretty well-regulated, whose basic needs have been met, who have other healthy forms of reward, taking a drug will have some impact, but the pull to come back and use again and again is not as powerful. It may be a pleasurable feeling, but you’re not necessarily going to become addicted. Addiction is complex. But I believe that many people who struggle with drug and alcohol abuse are actually trying to self-medicate due to their developmental histories of adversity and trauma.”
Albeit, while people should not be ashamed of their substance addiction, they also should not give in to it by completely giving up on any potential for eventual sobriety or perhaps a reduction in their consumption of the health-hazardous substance.